I do not understand why Republicans have chosen 2015 to parade their most ridiculous, their most idiotic, and their most blatantly selfish members on the most public display.
After all, when Donald Trump threw in his toupee for a presidential bid, every comedian in the world fell to their knees in gratitude. I myself have already warned my children to prepare themselves: if that bloated bag of bullshit topped with butterscotch candy floss happens to WIN? We are leaving America, no matter HOW bad the foreign policy becomes.
You might think, what with this being Barack Obama’s last year and a half in office, the GOP would want to show something like their best… side…
Oh wow … what if this IS their best side? What if all of us reasonable people aren’t paranoid after all? What if we really aren’t “bleeding-heart liberals,” “commies,” and all the other unimaginative catcalls we get on Twitter and Facebook, right after we get blocked for tweeting something like — I don’t know…
Take, for instance, GOP climate change denier (note it’s now “climate change denier,” like “Holocaust denier,” or “round-earth denier”) Senator Jim Inhofe, Republican from Oklahoma. In February this year, he decided to bring an audio-visual aid to work.
While MOST of us might have brought a PowerPoint, Inhofe decided to throw snowballs. On the floor. Of the United States Senate. Like a child.
In his remarks, he admitted he was “not a scientist,” although he apparently felt the snowball — and some good old-fashioned scripture — made his case fairly solid.
No one seemed to agree: the online magazine Slate called his remarks “rambling,” and Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, as he skewered him, pointed out: “Just because it snows where you live, doesn’t mean global warming doesn’t exist.”
While we’re on the topic of snow, and climate change, and Barack Obama — a president I dearly wish would SOMEHOW manage to pull a Franklin Delano Roosevelt and abracadabra two more terms (at least) for us — let’s talk for a sec. about Alaska.
There’s a REALLY big mountain there. You might know it as Mount McKinley, but you’d be incorrect, my Constant Readers. For many years, before the white people stumbled up there in ill-fitting snow shoes, racing dogs across the snow to find medicine and then racing dogs just for fun in memorial Ititarods (without checking how the frozen dogs felt about it — or how the people who were already THERE felt about anything at all) …
… Mount McKinley was known as “Denali,” or the “Great One.” (Or “High One.”)
It was IMPORTANT to the native people, in other words.
Of course, the native people weren’t very important to US, so when one prospector, way back in the 1890s, who was rooting for McKinley — then, only a presidential candidate — said “Hey. Check out that there ‘nameless’ mountain over yonder. Let’s call it McKinley, after my favorite white man!”
… And there was much rejoicing.
Meanwhile, all the native people were probably murmuring “asshole,” in their native language, which, of course NONE of the white people understood, and eventually, “Mt. McKinley” became it’s “official” designation in the U.S. Geological Survey.
Until 1975, nearly 100 years later, when the State of Alaska changed it back. Why not? Who’s paying attention? In 1975, sure, there was an oil crisis, but no one had yet turned their greedy eyeballs northward and realized: “Ooooh. There’s GOLD in them there glaciers….”
They DID, however, keep to their old habits of never, ever, EVER changing ANYTHING, even if people started murmuring — or even outright shouting — “asshole” in a language they understood. Republicans, particularly from Ohio, the late president McKinley’s home state, kept filing legislation every two years, to prevent Mt. McKinley’s name from being changed BACK to it’s rightful “Denali.”
They did this because a loophole prevented any action from being taken at a federal level while any legal action was in the works.
They did this for the sole reason of being shitty, really.
This week? Obama is announcing “You know what, folks? We’re changing it to Denali anyway. Period. Have fun collating your paperwork while I go to Alaska and deal with real issues.”
While the GOP watches Obama’s plane take off, grinds their teeth and twirls their mustaches, the president DOES face real issues in Alaska, because the restoration of the name Denali is about the only good news.
According to the L.A. Times, a football-sized field’s worth of land disappears from the Arctic region — where he’s headed — EVERY DAY.
That’s a FOOTBALL FIELD EVERY DAY. Every DAY. Daily.
You heard me, right? DAILY.
That’s seven football fields a WEEK. Thirty — or MORE — a MONTH.
Because of global warming. Which means ENTIRE COMMUNITIES often have to move.
Throw a snowball at THAT, Inofe. There’s plenty of it there.
For now. Maybe not for long, though.